ASK AMY Irish dancing leads to an uncomfortable jig
Author of the article:
Amy Dickinson • Special to Postmedia NetworkPublishing date:
Oct 05, 2021 • 17 minutes ago • 3 minute read • Join the conversation
A confrontation at a bar has left a man confused. Photo by file photo /Getty Images Reviews and recommendations are unbiased and products are independently selected. Postmedia may earn an affiliate commission from purchases made through links on this page.
Article contentDear Amy: Last night, my girlfriend and I were in a pub enjoying some Irish music. A man came over and asked if he could “borrow†my girlfriend. I told him that I didn’t own her, and it was up to her.
AdvertisementStory continues below
This advertisement has not loaded yet, but your article continues below.
Article contentHe proceeded to lead her to the band area (where no one else was dancing).
She didn’t want to dance with him, pulled away from his grip, and came back to where I was standing.
He followed her and got a little too close to us for my liking.
I told him to buzz off. I had to raise my voice and get in his face.
My better half proceeded out the door (we were getting ready to go home, anyway).
Then we had an argument. She told me that I didn’t have to react this way, because she had it under control.
I disagree.
I realize the guy was drinking, but it gets my goat that he didn’t ask any of the many single women there to dance and instead went up to a woman who was obviously with someone.
I apologized to my girlfriend, and within a short time we were passionate with each other!
AdvertisementStory continues below
This advertisement has not loaded yet, but your article continues below.
Article contentNow, I’m totally confused.
She assured me that in the future she would let me know if she felt threatened.
I don’t understand women, and I’m no kid.
Should I have let all of this go?
â€" Confused
Dear Confused: People are complicated.
When it comes to physical encroachment from someone larger than they are, most women have an instinct for how to extract themselves, in ways that will avoid further unwanted contact â€" or an actual assault.
Your girlfriend’s behaviour was textbook â€" and smart. She pulled away and returned to the area where there were more people (also where you were).
People who are subject to unwanted attention/harassment can also â€" always â€" go directly to the bar and ask waitstaff to get security.
Your girlfriend did not necessarily return to you in order for you to leap in and “protect†her.
AdvertisementStory continues below
This advertisement has not loaded yet, but your article continues below.
Article contentAnd you did not interfere until Drunk Man returned to the scene of the crime.
In my opinion, both of you handled things well. Remaining passive while Drunk Man encroached upon both of you didn’t seem to be an option.
She argued with you because of the frustration of being harassed and because your behaviour reminded her that men stereotypically handle their confrontations in ways that women don’t always have access to.
And she was passionate with you later because â€" while she didn’t like your behaviour, she also did like it.
Like I said â€" people are complicated.
We apologize, but this video has failed to load.
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for 20 years. He had a vasectomy after our son was born 19 years ago because he had two older children from a previous marriage.
AdvertisementStory continues below
This advertisement has not loaded yet, but your article continues below.
Article contentDuring our marriage, he has cheated twice, but I always forgave him.
Surprisingly, at the age of 45, I found out I was pregnant, and he accused me of cheating â€" which I NEVER did.
A DNA test proved he’s the father of our child.
I’m so mad at him for thinking that, and we haven’t spoken in weeks.
He’s apologized profusely, and has asked for forgiveness, but I can’t seem to forgive him.
Help, what should I do?
â€" Expecting
Dear Expecting: The tension now is actually a vestige of his previous infidelities.
People tend to assuage their guilt by accusing others of their own transgressions.
It’s yet another way to let yourself off the hook.
You could break the silence in your household by telling your husband that you are struggling to forgive him for his extremely unfair assumption about you.
AdvertisementStory continues below
This advertisement has not loaded yet, but your article continues below.
Article contentSolicit his help â€" and challenge him â€" by asking him to provide you with reasons to forgive him. In addition to asking for forgiveness now, he may need to fold in a sincere apology for his previous transgressions.
Dear Amy: “Torn†was conflicted about telling their sister about an early-onset Alzheimer’s diagnosis. You advised Torn to not tell.
I disagree. Alzheimer’s is genetic, and big sister needs to know about the diagnosis, so she and her doctor can watch for symptoms.
The earlier it is caught, the better.
A better response would be, “I’m telling you this for your sake, not for mine. I have everything handled, and all I need from you is your continued love.â€
â€" A Better Take
Dear Better: “Torn†was trying to protect herself from her sister’s overwhelming personality. But you make an excellent point. Thank you.
Share this article in your social network AdvertisementStory continues below
This advertisement has not loaded yet, but your article continues below.
By clicking on the sign up button you consent to receive the above newsletter from Postmedia Network Inc. You may unsubscribe any time by clicking on the unsubscribe link at the bottom of our emails. Postmedia Network Inc. | 365 Bloor Street East, Toronto, Ontario, M4W 3L4 | 416-383-2300 Thanks for signing up! Comments Postmedia is committed to maintaining a lively but civil forum for discussion and encourage all readers to share their views on our articles. Comments may take up to an hour for moderation before appearing on the site. We ask you to keep your comments relevant and respectful. We have enabled email notificationsâ€"you will now receive an email if you receive a reply to your comment, there is an update to a comment thread you follow or if a user you follow comments. Visit our Community Guidelines for more information and details on how to adjust your email settings.
0 Response to "ASK AMY Irish dancing leads to an uncomfortable jig"
Post a Comment